The Outrageous 19th - Clubhouse
Time of the month!
MAY
As everyone knows it is the time to gather your nuts and down at Mossy Hollow we like to keep with tradition. On the first Saturday of the month we will be having our ' Nuts Fest. ' This is ancient ceremony that goes back to when man first started fiddling with his balls, and was soon playing around with woman. The actual facts about this incident have been lost in the mists of time, suffice to say it had something to do with her being tempted by his large snake.
This pagan festival like most others probably has its roots in some fertility rights. We just use it to play in the lady vice captain and blood any virgins into the sport. The action will take place as always at sunrise, any members who wish to take part in the proceedings are advised to rise early, as last year there were so many late comers that the holes were full to overflowing.
In the evening there will be the traditional fling, it is a well known fact that Rude Golfers have bigger balls than any other players, this is probably because the entrance is free, everybody gets well lubricated and we can always slip an extra one in.
SPRING CLEANING TIPS
As your equipment may not have seen the light of day over the winter months, this is the time of year to make sure everything is in working order. Starting with your shaft, check that it hasn't warped through lack of use or got twisted while you have been constantly fiddling with it on those long dark nights.
It can even get bent through excessive indoor practice, with that persistent banging on the office carpet. If you didn't clean the head properly before putting it away, you may find that a mould or growth has grown around the shank. This will have to be scraped away and be thoroughly disinfected before you can use it again.
Learning to look after your tools is a must, cleaning and oiling the head is essential, if you just leave it for a few weeks or months it will start to smell like old fish.
Make sure get your balls out and have a close look at them before you show them to your partner. They probably will need a damn good scrubbing, to get rid of any in ground dirt and flaky outer skin.
Finally its time to strip off your trolleys, tighten up your nuts, grease those dry nipples, and scrub around the bottom of your old bag. Check the neck hasn't gone loose and floppy or it might need a few stitches to get back that tight feeling.
DON’T FORGET….
If you are bringing on a
virgin and there action is not very fluid , try to be
patient, you may be just
rubbing them up the
wrong way
IMPORTANT NOTICE
CIRCUMSPECT MEMBERS
It has been brought to the rules committees notice that the last skins tournament was marred by the protest lodged by ex Vice Captain Manny Cummings. This incident has led to the ruling that those who play in four skins competitions with cut down equipment must have their shafts examined by the course Pro before entry.
