The Outrageous 19th - Clubhouse

MONTHLY TIPS

USING FINGERING
AS A OPENER

The fingers are much underrated tools, with the correct exercises they will become your best friends. Take care of your fingers and they will take care of you. When you first take up Rude Golf you must start to exercise your fingers before you go to sleep at night and again when you wake. This regular workout will probably be second nature to most of you anyway. The grips can vary enormously so here are a few ideas to help you become more fluid.

1. If you are a novice it is best to start with just one digit at a time. Gently move it in and out slowly bending and flexing it, as it becomes more comfortable try two at once. In no time at all you will be proficient with both hands.

2. Most members practice on their own more times than they would like to own up to, but using your hands regularly is the most natural thing in the world. Remember if you are ambidextrous have the courtesy to tell your partners which way you are going to swing.

3. Don't be shy if you get too stiff, go and see the pro, hand relief is one of the commonest and cheapest services they provide. You may also pick up a few new ways of using your hands to express yourself.

Time of the month!

APRIL

The start of spring is when we begin to notice a swelling in our active members. Outdoor pursuits become more appealing, although it is still wise to don your head cover between the action. There is nothing worse for a caddie than the shock of expecting to grab a player’s sizeable tool only to find their fingers stuck to a frozen little end. - Just because the player had forgotten to clean the moisture from the previous hole and then put their equipment away properly. Still when the sun breaks through and you have loosened up your hips into a nice steady rhythm, you can actually feel the sap rising.

Some inexperienced players notice the sap rise as soon as they look up the fairway, but this premature elation needs to be controlled. Its no good getting over excited by the first touch of your balls, as the feeling can rarely be sustained over the course, and your partner may not share your early enthusiasm. Most players like to build to a climax, rather than starting off with a nice warm feeling and then gradually going down on your game only to find it has deteriorated into a cold sticky patch, which you know you will have to lick before you get back on top.

MAINTAINING A COURSE APPEARANCE

STAFF ERECTIONS LOOSE APPEAL

Down at Mossy Hollow course maintenance is high on the agenda. The society committee has been monitoring closely the growth of unwanted erections popping up around the ladies changing rooms. The group that are causing the most offence are directly opposite the shower room window. Ben Dover the head keeper and his staff are responsible for these shabby displays, he has explained that this is the only place they clean their dirty hole borers and come together.

The committee has ruled that from the middle of this month this area will be cleared. Ben can have one large constant erection at the back of the practice ground where he can oil his mower in private and Roger his assistant. Ben did put up stiff opposition to moving so far away from the clubhouse restaurant, but he was convinced by his staff that the smell of benzole was enough to put any one off their lunch